What's in a nose?

I have to make a confession. I have an addiction. I didn’t think I did, until tonight, but it’s true. I am addicted to… Breathe Right strips. Whew, I said it. I wasn't sure I could admit it.

It’s true; I am completely dependent on these little things to sleep at night. I have a deviated septum, which in layman’s terms means my little brother took a poke at me when I was 15 and bent my nose. I haven’t been able to breathe very well since then.

The bad part about having a defective shnoz is that I invariably snore. Loud. No, really loud. Thunderously loud actually. An A-bomb going off in the next room would make less noise. The only thing that keeps my wife in the same bed with me is the fact that she cranks up just as many decibels as I do. Sorry honey, I’m not going down alone.

I realized how much I rely on these things tonight when I was getting ready for bed and suddenly realized I was out of them. Panic set in. How was I going to sleep? I’d be waking myself up all night snoring loud enough to rattle the shingles… on my neighbor’s house!

My wife told me to look in my travel bag to see if there were any left from my trip last week. I tore into the bathroom and ripped open the cabinet where my travel bag lives when we're at home. I unzipped it and began digging through the contents: travel sized shampoo and conditioner, tooth paste, mouth wash, floss, comb, Q-tips, etc. Then, there it was, on the very bottom. A Breathe Right strip! Salvation had arrived and civilization was once again safe.

I put on the strip and copious amounts of air whooshed into my nostrils unabated. AAAAH!

It was then I realized I was addicted to them, and knowing that the first step was to admit it, I went to my office and wrote this.

Do you think there’s a 12 step program I could get in to? I know, I know: steps 1-11: stop being a shmuck. Step 12: stop using the strips. Ha ha, very funny.

I'm going to bed now.

The Long and Winding Road

It’s been a few days since I’ve written. I travel at times for business, which I enjoy. There’s something about staying at a hotel that appeals to me. Perhaps it’s arriving back at my room after a day of grinding my nose to find a neatly made bed and fresh towels in the bathroom.

It’s a simpler life on the road; an early morning buffet breakfast, and a short drive to the job site, lunch on the company and then back to my room where dedicated house keepers have whisked away the mess I created the day before. Another meal on the company and the evening is mine to explore the city I’m in or just relax in my room and watch a movie.

I know, rough life, right? I try not to lose sight of what’s important when I travel to these places and live the pampered life. I think about Paul, the consummate road warrior and how he spent years traveling to many countries planting churches and spreading the Good News.

He lived by the goodness of others, inspired by Christ and motivated by a Savior who gave him a mission he didn’t take lightly. He didn’t have his bed made for him every day, he didn’t have an expense account, he traveled coach and he never knew if his arrival would be met with compassion, or stones.

There are still people like Paul on this Earth. People who don’t need, or ask for much. Their desire is to spread the Gospel by any means possible.

These people are my heroes, and when I travel I always do my best to tell at least one person about the saving grace of Jesus. Because we can all be road warriors, even if it’s just crossing the street to talk to our neighbor.

“God, thanks for the work you’ve given us. Give us the courage to talk to others about you, even when we’re not at home. Amen.”

Hello, Information? Can you tell me where my phone is?

I lost my cell phone last weekend. For anyone who has ever done this you know what a traumatic experience it is. I hadn’t had the phone very long, and although it wasn’t an iPhone or anything, it had a camera and an MP3 player and all the necessities for mobile communications. Plus, I had customized it with a Spurs NBA logo background and downloaded tunes that I would now have to pay for again.

However, the biggest problem in losing one’s cell phone is the loss of phone numbers. Like most people I completely rely on my phone to be my phone book and had long since forgotten the phone number of every friend and relative I have, so this was a devastating blow.

I lost my phone at a gas station. I was returning from working on my church’s 15 year anniversary project, a Habitat for Humanity house. It had been a long, hot, sweaty day laying decking material on the roof and I was tired and ready for a swim in Satan’s Bathtub.

I stopped at a gas station to fill up and the phone must have dropped out when I got out of the truck because it was gone when I got home. At first I thought I’d left it in the truck because I had called my wife before I stopped for gas. So I called the phone in hopes it would ring from under the seat or something.

It didn’t ring. It went straight to voicemail which meant it was turned off.

This was a bad sign. If it fell out of the truck and hit the ground maybe the battery popped out, then I could see it being shut off, but if someone found it and turned it off on purpose that meant they had no interest in returning it.

I went back to the gas station and it wasn’t lying on the ground anywhere, and the people inside said no one had turned one in. I went home and resided myself to the fact that it was gone.

After an hour or so of morning my loss (read: complaining to my wife that I had lost my stupid phone), I went to the cell phone store and bought another one. They turned off the old device and turned on the new one in about 15 minutes and I was on my way again, numberless but still mobile.

The next day was busy. My buddy Mark Swayze, an awesome Christian and incredible musician had invited me to play drums for his band at a youth event at a local church. I love playing these events because youth rallies are usually high energy and loads of fun.

Well, during the performance I felt my new phone vibrating in my pocket. I looked real quick just to see if it was important, like my mom calling or something, but it wasn’t a number I recognized. That wasn’t saying much though, I knew no numbers! And since I hadn’t retyped any of my numbers back in yet it could’ve been anyone.

I waited until the rally was over before I checked my voicemail. What I heard blew me away, it was a guy saying his kids had found a cell phone on the other side of town at a Wendy’s drive-thru. He took it from them and found the number inside and called to return it.

I couldn’t believe it; someone actually took the time to investigate the phone and try to return it!? I called the gentleman and he even volunteered to meet me anywhere I wanted.

I was ecstatic! My phone! My awesome phone with all of my phone numbers and Spurs background and downloaded tunes was safe and sound and being returned to me! I could barely contain myself the rest of the night!

The next morning I went to the meeting place we had agreed on and he showed up without a hitch. No strings, no requirements, no demands; just “Here’s your phone”. I wanted to show him my gratitude, so I offered to give him some money for his trouble (because I thought kissing him in public might not sit well with him). He said no, but I insisted that gas was expensive and he should let me give him some cash. He very reluctantly accepted and we parted.

With my faith in humanity renewed I trekked over to the cell phone store and had my phone reactivated. All was right in the world again. Well, world hunger and a war in Iraq not-withstanding. At least I had found hope here in my home town with one very honest, humble person who went out of his way to simply do the right thing. If we would all act that way towards one another there would be no war, no poverty, no crime, no hate. It’s possible.

All we have to do is one good deed at a time.

"God, thanks for moments like this when goodness triumphs over the bad in us. I needed that".

70 Virgins

I hear the terrorists talk about their holy war and it really makes me sick. They think if they blow themselves up and kill everyone in the building they'll go to heaven to be with 70 virgins. What kind of logic is this? Their reward for murdering innocent people is to do something that is a crime to them while they're here on Earth?! Seriously, they have very strict moral standards, but if they can destroy an "infidel" the rules change? What kind of God is this that doles out multi-partner sex as a reward for killing yourself and others in his name? Oh, yeah... Satan. Well, let me save you the trouble of building your bombs, here are the 70 virgins that are really waiting for you.

Misdirection

It’s like a minefield being a Christian sometimes. You have to find your way through some pretty difficult terrain. I get asked a lot of questions about the Bible and sometimes it’s a difficult discussion because the person I’m talking to has a great deal of knowledge about “religion” and thinks they know it all. I talked to someone not too long ago who said there are texts written during and after Jesus' time that were left out of the Bible because they would give people real knowledge about the things that happened back then, and the church didn’t want anyone asking questions because then the Bible would be proved to be false.

Hmm, so you believe the email that’s been going around about Bill Gates giving everyone money if you forward the email. I mean, it was written by a lawyer who said it’s a legal document and Bill would get sued if he didn’t pay you, right?

Or maybe you believe the one about little Timmy who desperately needs some kind of operation and would you please help?

Oh, or maybe the one about some guy who went to a party and woke up in a tub of ice with a scar on his belly because they drugged him and then removed one of his kidneys to sell on the black market. Luckily they were nice and wanted him to live and they were also very skilled surgeons. Whew!

And then there’s my favorite, the bazillionaire family in some foreign country that is under siege and the only way to save their fortune is to deposit a few million dollars in your bank account and then get it later, so if you send them your bank account number you can keep half of it for your trouble!

Sheesh.

The fact is that Jesus’ time is no different than our time. There were people back then just like there are people now who make up stuff and try to pass it off as factual. The old writings that are being passed off as real are called Pseudepigrapha. They’re fakes, made to seem real to do what idiots today do, mislead you.

Putting together and translating the Bible was originally done by the smartest, most conscientious people of their time. They went through great pains to ensure the Bible was translated perfectly and the books in it were real and important.

They used processes like Form Criticism, Textual Criticism and Higher Criticism to look at all of the writings of the time. They knew that what they were doing was important and they were almost militant about getting it right. They came up with criteria that made sure the right books were published and they prayed and studied and prayed and studied. Their processes were brilliant and God-led.

So the next time someone tries to convince you that there was a big conspiracy to leave out certain texts, do some real research and find out why. And also ask yourself why you’re so quick to believe anyone who would say the Bible isn’t real, perhaps it’s just because it’s the easiest way to ignore the truths in it.

"Father, the enemy is smart and has been working hard to mislead people. Help us as we try to show them the truth, so their eyes might be opened to the wonderful life of your Word."

Hope

“God, it was 6 years ago today that the lives of everyone in America, and most of the world changed right before our eyes. I pray for those who lost loved ones that day, give them strength and solace. I pray for our leaders, that you will guide them in the decisions they make as we continue to fight for the safety and freedom of this country. And I pray for those who think that killing innocent people is doing their god’s work, that you will move in their lives and show them what being a child of a loving God can be like. Amen.”

How I Wasted My Life

I was talking with someone a while back who asked me, “What if you spend your whole life going to church and everything, and then die only to find out that there really isn’t a God. How are you going to feel knowing that you wasted your whole life?”

The answer was simple, “Ok, let’s say I’m on my death-bed and my life flashes before my eyes. What I’ll see is a man who lived his life helping the poor, the sick and the infirmed; who gave money to organizations (including the church), who used it for programs that among other things, fed and clothed the homeless, and supported missionaries who spent their lives helping people in other countries who had less than nothing. I didn’t lie, cheat, steal, kill, treat others badly, backstab, backbite or harm others. I took time to participate in programs to help the homeless, the abused and the orphaned. I fought injustice and untruths. I voted for people who I believe had good moral standing and hopefully a relationship with Christ. I stood tall in what I believed and because of the presence of His Holy Spirit in my life, whether real or perceived, I was happy every day. I didn’t go through life with a scowl on my face and a disgruntled attitude, I didn’t sweat the small things and I found good in everything.“

“How exactly did I waste my life?”

The fact is the Bible doesn’t teach us to be religious. The Bible is a roadmap of how to live a good life. A life of spreading love and doing good things for those around us. If you strip out the parts of the Bible that pertain to God and Christ, what you have left are the basics of living a good life. You also have the very laws that we live by: don’t kill, don’t steal, etc.

So if I live my life according to the Bible, how could I go wrong? And the bonus is that I also found salvation and when this life is over, there’s going to be an even better, eternal one waiting for me.

“God, I know that you’re real. I see you every day in everything around me. Please continue to give me opportunities to show others of your existence and give me the wisdom to introduce you in a way that will be undeniable to them. Thanks.”

Baby Got Bible

I never thought I'd post videos on this blog, but this is the bestest, funniest Christian video I've ever seen!


For more go to godtube.com

The Way We Are

At church this past Sunday our Senior Pastor talked about men and women working together with the common goal of serving God. He said each couple should have a purpose statement to help define where the family was going. Good idea.

He also talked about the roles each gender has. It’s always an interesting subject because trying to tell a strong, independent woman in 2007 that she has to be the man’s “helper” is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.

The Pastor said that the man is responsible for the spiritual well being of his family, which I believe. He said that even though it was Eve who ate the apple first, it was Adam who bore the mantle of responsibility in the end.

My wife and I talked about the sermon later that night; she liked the part where the man is ultimately responsible for everything. My response was “well then stop making me look bad in front of God”. That kept her laughing long enough for me to come up with a real answer.

It’s not rocket science, really. Men and women are different. We act differently; we think differently, we view life differently. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. The world wouldn’t go ‘round any other way.

“God, thanks for making men and women so different. Bless us as we continue to try and figure each other out! Amen”