Mirrors

My men’s group is studying how to be a good husband. A good Christian husband. There’s a difference. The Bible shows us that there are certain expectations of a man and how he conducts himself with his wife and family. It’s been an interesting study so far.

The guys in my group have been married for different amounts of time, some a short time, and some a long time. It’s a good dynamic. But no matter how long or short the marriage, I hear the same question, “how do I make my wife happy? What do I do to make her feel special?”

Most guys will pull out the old standard of flowers and candy. This shows that you’re trying, but you still don’t “get” her.

The answer my friends isn’t really rocket science. All you have to do to know exactly how your wife wants to be treated is to watch what she does for you. That’s right, she’s doing for you what she wants done for her.

People aren’t as complicated as pop-psychiatry tries to paint us. What flows out of us naturally is what we are. Take my wife. She’s a professional woman and works just as long and hard as I do, so the fact that she takes time most days to pack a lunch for me isn’t because she feels obligated or that she’s overly nice (which she is, by the way), but it’s because that’s how she wants to be treated.

She doesn’t need to hear “I love you”, she needs to be shown. Doing a project on the house or in the yard makes her feel loved, that’s how she’s wired. Me on the other hand need to be told, which is why I drive her nuts telling her I love her a hundred times a day. I keep thinking she needs it, when in fact it’s me who needs it because that’s how I’m wired.

Sounds pretty simple, huh? Well, actually it is if you pay attention and make a conscious effort to notice what your wife does for you. That’s what you should be doing for her, even if you don’t get how she could get love from doing those things. You’re not her, so what she thinks and feels is not what you think and feel. Accept that and take the time to learn her. Mirror what she does for you, back at her.

Oh, and gals… it works both ways.

“God, thanks for my wife. Only you could have picked such a perfect match for me. She is everything that I am not, and she brings balance to my life. Because of her I now understanding why ‘wife’ is only one letter away from ‘life’. Amen.”